The room was dark, and the air was cool and dry. The bio-bed was low, and Tom had to kneel awkwardly to reach the body lying there silently, heartbreakingingly still.
He reached his hand out, mentally forcing the trembling to stop, almost succeeding as his fingers made contact with skin. He almost jumped back, shocked by the heat he felt there. 
"Shit Chakotay.... What the fuck is happening?"

Tom reached again, unable to resist. He slid his fingers along the dark, burning skin of Chakotay's cheek, turning them as he went, brushing his knuckles down to the jaw line, his other hand gripping the side of the low bed fiercely.

"My God, you are on fire...can you hear me.... Can you hear me my love..."

Tom's voice caught, and he leant forward helplessly, resting his forehead brokenly on the shoulder of the man who lay unconscious in front of him. Tom knew he wouldn't lose it completely, he had to save that luxury for later, for the absolute darkness that threatened to overwhelm him if the alien poison succeeded in burning the life out of the man under him.

He kissed Chakotay's neck softly, inhaling the dusty, salty scent of him, recoiling at the faint whisper of acid that lay behind the other familiar smells, the smell of death. Tom could taste it in his mouth, his nose; it was the choking memory of Drakken, and the five agonising minutes that had changed his life.  He breathed in the essence of love and death, and allowed a small, dry sob to escape the knotted constriction in his throat and chest.  Gods the smell of the was only a few hours ago that he had been drowning in it, consumed by it, drunk with it...

The Ready Room was unusually noisy, the Captain and B'Elanna laughed nervously as Chakotay blushed, flicking his eyes towards Tom and away again, his eyebrows raised infinitesimally in a laughing challenge.

"Oh come on Commander, you can't seriously be saying that there is a *book* on who has been...*celibate* the longest within the command staff?"

Janeway was smiling a little too broadly, her fists clenched tightly at her sides as she searched for the appropriate word. She was suddenly very distracted by the sudden flick of Chakotay's eyes towards Tom, and the astonishing emotion she saw erupt from the pilot's grey eyes in response.  The heat of it made her own skin glow, and she felt uncomfortably close to Chakotay. She stepped away from him, and caught the final flash of arousal as his dark gaze swung back to her and the Chief Engineer.

"I swear I overheard it in the Mess Hall. They are being more discreet than last time, not using any traceable PADDs or data storage on the computer. I think I can remember some of the odds, if you're interested?"

Janeway was astounded. And intrigued. And horrified.

"I don't think so Commander...I prefer to retain the illusion that my crew see me as a non-sexual being...a kind of maternal figure I suppose, a Mother Superior type..."

Tom was still trying to control his breathing after Chakotay's inflammatory glance. He circled the group carefully, avoiding Chakotay's personal space, coming to stand by the Captain.

"Oh I don't know Captain...I'm sure the crew are sophisticated enough to respect you as their Captain and acknowledge your ...*personal* needs. We all have an emotional life...Gods, what ARE we without needs, desires, love?"

Tom stopped speaking, aware that his voice was unnecessarily loud, raising his eyes and realising that the entire command staff were standing looking at him with a range of incredulous expressions.

Janeway looked *too* calm, *too* controlled. Tuvok looked mildly revolted, eyebrows delicately arched in disdain. Harry seemed impressed, in a shocked, intense kind of way. B'Elanna was barely controlling a small, but very dangerous grin, and he had time to wonder about that before he was lost in the paralysing heat of Chakotay's eyes. Only their darkness gave him away, the Commander's smile was easy and relaxed his face amiable and friendly. Tom struggled to look away, hearing the seconds tick away feeling his body tighten under that gaze.

Mercifully Tuvok was speaking, and the others were focussing on him.  The distraction was just enough to enable Chakotay to break eye contact, and he moved towards Tom, eyes down, breathing composed.  Tuvok was suggesting that the *book* be allowed to run, as long as no data was being stored or exchanged on computer, and no traceable credit rations were being exchanged.

Tom was oblivious to anything but the nearness of the man who was leaning imperceptibly into his space, whose breath was almost tangible on his neck, whose scent was hovering just out of reach of his senses.  He was overwhelmed by memories of their conversation last night, and its shattering resolution. He almost moaned aloud as Chakotay moved past him, fingers surreptitiously brushing his thigh, chest touching his back for an instant, and the shocking contact of desperate arousal against his buttocks. Tom bit his lip and managed to nod as Janeway dismissed them.

The two men moved slowly towards the turbo-lift, waiting for the others to leave the area. Tom made a detailed inspection of a PADD, as he lingered in the corridor, watching Janeway and Torres stride off towards engineering. 
"Comparing odds no doubt!" he thought impatiently, waiting until Harry and Tuvok had disappeared too.

Chakotay was just in front of him, and Tom caught him up as they reached the turbo-lift entrance.

"Fuck...I might have to just take him in the lift.... Can’t believe I want him this much..."

Chakotay's thoughts were in turmoil as the two men stepped into the cool grey interior. As the doors slid shut, both men moved like unleashed animals, slamming together against the lift wall, the desire surging between them like a plasma torpedo, exploding on impact.

"Gods...I thought I'd drop to my knees and beg you to fuck me in front of them all..." gasped Tom against Chakotay's neck, as he pressed himself closer and closer to the straining body in his arms.

"I'd have done it...I could do it right now, right here..." hissed Chakotay against Tom's mouth, flicking his tongue across the dry, trembling lips, sucking the lower lip into his own mouth, moaning distractedly as Tom's tongue thrust into him, hot and wet and so astonishingly erotic.

Chakotay forced his knee between Tom's legs, unbalancing them as he ground his thigh against the hardness that he could see curving seductively through the tight black uniform.  The turbo lift chimed as it came to a halt, giving the men just enough time to spring apart and wipe the wetness from their mouths.  Tom had to bite his lower lip to stop himself from whimpering with lust as they half ran, half staggered to Tom's quarters.  As the door slid opened Tom reached for Chakotay and they fell inside.
For a moment they faced each other, panting with the effort of control, feeling the passion realign their flesh, changing the texture of their bodies, the smell of their skin, the temperature, the chemical make-up of their blood. It raced through them both, blazing from dark and grey eyes as they finally fell on each other, starving for the physical sensation that they had described so effectively the night before.

"Fuck me.... You have to fuck me...I absolutely *have* to have you inside me..." whispered Chakotay as he raked his fingers down the lean muscled chest, tangling in the hair he found there. Tom impatiently shrugged his uniform off, gasping against Chakotay's assault on his belly and thighs, grinding his now naked buttocks back against the Commander's erection, rubbing sensuously against the rough fabric, feeling Chakotay's cock hardening for him under the material of his uniform.

Chakotay was behind him, one hand stroking and teasing across his belly, the other caressing his face. The combination of tenderness and lust was intoxicating, and Tom twisted his head, blindly searching for that delicious, hot mouth. They kissed open mouthed, great gasping kisses, needing the oxygen to feed the fire that consumed them.
Chakotay watched Tom's eyes cloud over as he reached up to thrust his fingers into the incredible heat of the pilot's mouth, sliding over the bruised lips that trembled under his touch. Tom bucked with pleasure, and sucked the fingers in deeply. Chakotay thrust them in and out, panting with the desire to feel this much heat and suction around his cock.

"Yes...let me fuck your gorgeous mouth...Gods.... I want to feel your mouth on my cock...I want to feel you swallow me whole..." Chakotay sobbed as he slid his fingers in and out...

Abruptly Chakotay twisted and pushed Tom away, ripping and tearing at his own uniform. When he was naked, he faced Tom once more, and the two men stared hungrily at each other for the fraction of a second that they could stand not to touch. Tom reached down and took his own arching hardness into his hand, running his fist along the length of it, pulling it away from his belly, thumb circling the glistening tip.

"Is this what you want? Is this what you want inside you?"
Tom's voice was gentle. His eyes were transparent with emotion, even as he offered himself to Chakotay. Chakotay groaned softly, his eyes black, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. His own cock was almost painful, leaping and growing harder still with Tom's words.

"Oh Spirits yes..." he murmured, eyes drifting closed against the unbearable arousal he saw in the grey eyes that stared at him. Arousal and love. He could barely stand.
He felt Tom move towards him, and he tensed. He didn't hear the pilot drop to his knees, and was wholly unprepared to feel that luscious mouth draw his aching cock deep within, sucking and licking simultaneously.

Chakotay almost came then and there...he felt his balls tighten and the pleasure shoot down his legs and across his stomach. He held on by a thread, head thrown back, throat tight around his muted cries, hands lost in the blonde hair that tickled his lower belly, where the muscles tightened and loosened with every shattering pull of Tom's incredible mouth.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck...." Chakotay chanted, as he clenched his body around the orgasm that threatened to annihilate him.  Tom's hands were high on his ass, stroking his lower back, slipping maddeningly between his buttocks, holding him in place, pressing into him, his fingers everywhere.

Chakotay gripped Tom's head in sudden warning, feeling the climax gathering, feeling his toes curling into the floor, his head clearing suddenly and completely. He looked down at the man who engulfed him, who consumed him, who's hand was now grasping the base of his cock and sheathing him totally in heat and wetness.
He had just enough time to murmur "Oh Tom...” before the orgasm hit, and he thrust savagely into Tom's mouth, shouting his pleasure as the acrid sperm spurted from deep within him. He felt Tom loosen his grip, swallowing and coughing as he tasted the hot, salty, sticky fluid.

Chakotay dropped to his knees in front of Tom, his hands gripping the sides of the pilot's face, pulling pale eyes up to lock with half closed dark ones.

"You can never leave me...I couldn't stand it...I love you too much..."

Tom leaned forward, smiling unsteadily as he spoke,

"Taste yourself," he whispered. "Taste how much you love me, how much I love you."

Tom slid his salty mouth against the trembling one inches from his own, and felt the sharp inhalation as Chakotay tasted himself mingled with Tom's sweat and skin.
As they kissed, sliding onto the floor, Chakotay's warm, wet cock slipped heavily against Tom's thighs. Tom moaned in frustration, as his own taut, dry erection dragged almost painfully against Chakotay's stomach.

"Now... I think its time you fucked me Lieutenant." Chakotay whispered into Tom's open mouth, and he kissed him with enough force to bruise. Tom grinned against Chakotay's lips.

"If you insist Commander..." he whispered, and suddenly, shockingly, he was in control, moving urgently, his hard, lean body drawn as tight as a drum as he pushed Chakotay onto his hands and knees, leaning over him and pulling the dark head back and round almost brutally.  Chakotay braced himself, and was almost undone by the tenderness with which Tom kissed him, lips soft, tongue tasting and stroking. It was more arousing than anything Chakotay had felt before, and he could see in Tom's eyes that it was the same for him.  Tom drew back.

"Is this as serious as it feels?" he whispered, never taking his eyes off Chakotay's face.

"More serious than that..." Chakotay breathed, feeling something break inside. He smiled unsteadily at Tom; finally realising what those five minutes had really been about.

What they had meant. What Tom meant.

When Tom saw the final barriers lift in the dark eyes that were locked on his face, he felt a sweet rush of relief. Then he kissed Chakotay with the savagery that he had controlled earlier, sure of himself for the first time since he could remember.
Chakotay felt the heat spark inside him again, as Tom bit his neck and shoulders, whimpering and sobbing incoherently as he devoured the kneeling man. Tom pushed Chakotay's knees apart, and crawled between them, kneeling over his back, tongue slipping across the brown skin, teeth grazing the quivering muscles that rippled below the satin.

"Oh're good enough to eat..." groaned Tom, and laughed suddenly…wildly,



"Stop joking and fuck me...or I swear I will pass out...I NEED to feel you inside me. I have needed it every minute of every day since Drakken, and I must have it NOW..."

Chakotay reached back and closed his hand around Tom's cock.  Suddenly both men were desperately pulling each other closer, wanting the connection of penetration, wanting to feel the pain and the indescribable pleasure of being joined. Tom gasped in agony as Chakotay drew him briefly into his mouth, dripping saliva over the satiny skin, pausing to lick along the vibrating shaft, feeling the blood pulse under his tongue.

Chakotay wanted to feel that blood swelling inside him, wanted to be opened by that incredible hardness, wanted to feel the heat of the Tom's sperm surging into his body.  He rolled back onto his knees, turning his head to watch, panting as Tom moved forward, his dripping cock high and hard against that smoothly muscled belly.
Tom reached down and pulled his cock away from his stomach, cursing softly as he touched himself. He looked hungrily at Chakotay, almost overwhelmed at what he saw in the older man's face.
om buried his head against the muscled softness, fingers probing between, gasping as Chakotay thrust backwards, hardly able to resist burying himself completely and immediately in the surrendering flesh beneath his hands. He made himself wait until he had stretched the tight opening, thrusting fingers relentlessly in and out, almost coming just from the anticipation of feeling that clenching heat around his cock. Chakotay was whimpering, jerking back against Tom, begging him to fuck him.

"Please...oh sweet spirits...please Tom..."

Tom moved suddenly, no longer fully in control, thrusting deep into Chakotay, his hands gripping the sweat soaked skin of arching hips.  Chakotay's strangled groan seemed to go on for ever, as Tom sheathed himself in that glorious body.

As his belly touched shivering muscle, Tom forced himself to pause, to control the madness that threatened to obliterate him. He wanted to feel everything, hear everything, see the response of the man beneath him. He balanced on his knees, and ran the fingers of one hand down Chakotay's back and flank, kissing along the burning trail left by his touch.

"Do you have any idea of how much I love you..." he murmured into the hot, velvet skin.

Chakotay shuddered, his reply swallowed in a sob of desire as his body spasmed around the sweet invasion that radiated heat throughout his lower body.

It was too much for Tom, and he gave in. Gave in and fucked Chakotay as he had imagined so many times. Each plunging thrust sent more nerve endings into screaming arousal, the pleasure gathering and radiating from both cock and ass, both men incoherent with the intensity. Sensation blurred between pain and pleasure, love and lust, want and need, as both men surrendered to the wild magic of being joined, of fucking and being fucked.

It didn't last long. Tom held completely still for one perfect second, deep inside Chakotay's body. He reached round and ran his finger along the impossibly hard length of the dark velvet cock beneath him, feeling the orgasm building relentlessly. Chakotay made an indescribable sound of release, and that sound tipped Tom over the edge. As Chakotay came with a clenching shudder, Tom thrust one last time, and dropped his head struggling to stay inside as his own orgasm ripped through his lower body. The hot sperm erupted from him, again and again as waves of pleasure flooded his body.

" God yes..." he sobbed as the climax washed through him. He raised his head and found Chakotay's black eyes locked on to his. He knew his own eyes mirrored the shattered expression he saw there. He smiled, and Chakotay dropped to his stomach and rolled languorously, shivering as Tom slipped from his body.

"It's never...I've never...Spirits, this is SO fucking serious Tom. Sex and love at the same time. Is that why it feels so astonishing?"

Chakotay whispered these words into Tom's neck, pausing to lick the sweat from the pale skin.

"It’s the first time for me too.... Sex and love I mean. Done both separately before, but never at the same time. With the same person."

Tom laughed softly as he spoke, and Chakotay grinned, tangling his legs closer to Tom's, pulling the satiated body closer to his own, stopping to kiss Tom's mouth, feeling the answering grin there too. The kiss stopped the smiling, and both men were reduced to staring, neither willing to break eye contact. Both swore blind that they had fallen asleep at exactly the same moment.

Tom shook his head, wiping the tears from his chin. His grief had soaked Chakotay's covering, and Tom adjusted it carefully, so that the damp area wasn't touching the burning skin. They had only had one night...and Gods Tom wanted more than one night with this man.  More than one lifetime if he could find a way to do it.  He felt his feelings cycle inexorably round, through horror, terror, grief, anguish, to settle finally on guilt. It was his fault. He had transmitted the alien toxin to Chakotay. He was responsible.

He had picked up the poison on Drakken, Chakotay had saved him, and now he had…he had...

Tom had woken in the night, Chakotay's delicious weight pinning him to the bed. Spirits but it was hot...burning hot. The heat of passion he mused, throwing the covers back and reaching for Chakotay, hands on either side of his face. The shock of the contact still reverberated through Tom as he remembered. The heat...the incredible, unnatural heat of Chakotay's burnished skin. Tom had snatched his hands away, scrambling out from under the now frighteningly still Commander.  "Computer...lights..."
Chakotay was on fire. His skin was dry and flushed, his breathing shallow and erratic. The heat was coming off him in waves, and Tom could not wake him.

"Paris to Sickbay...emergency in my quarters, Chakotay is ill.... Quickly...please come quickly...."

Tom started as the Doctor appeared beside him. He wiped his face distractedly, and bowed his head as if for a blow.

"Well...?" he whispered

"We have identified the toxin as being the same as the one you were exposed to on Drakken. Although our scans showed you to be both clear of the poison after treatment, we have now found minute traces of chemical in the Commander's cells, at the atomic level. We didn't scan this deeply at the time, assuming that he hadn't been exposed because he didn't show symptoms. "

Tom raised his head a fraction. He hadn't passed the toxin on. It wasn't his fault. The thought gave him no relief. The darkness threatened to overwhelm him.

"Why can't you treat him with what you used on me?"

Tom's voice was fading with Chakotay's life signs.

"We have obviously tried that approach Lieutenant."

The Doctor tried unsuccessfully to keep the irritation from his voice. Tom didn't notice.  He was softly stroking Chakotay's face, eyes flicking from the bio-bed readings to the imperceptible rise and fall of the fabric that covered the Commander.

"We can only wait. The toxin is acting differently in the Commander's body. It is concentrated in several organs, working slowly.  In your case it was a sudden, violent attack, affecting all the cells simultaneously. We were able to eliminate it because it was spread throughout the body, in very small amounts in each cell. Although with the delay in getting you here, we were lucky to save you. A very regrettable five minutes indeed. "

Tom turned burning eyes onto the astonished Doctor.

"The most important five minutes of my life you fucking idiot..." he hissed, rage and anguish and frustration propelling him to his feet.  The Doctor took a step back.

"I am simply attempting to aquaint you with the facts surrounding the toxin's action. I find your reaction to be unhelpful, and frankly excessive. I will leave you to wait with the Commander. I can do no more for him. Either his body will fight the toxin, or he will..."

The Doctor found himself unable to finish his sentence. Tom's stark expression and the barely controlled shuddering of the blond man's shoulders were more than even his brilliantly programmed insensitivity could deal with.  He awkwardly patted Tom's shoulder, and left him to wait for what was surely coming.

Tom awoke to feel hands in his hair, and was content to just luxuriate in the feeling. He turned his head slightly, and rubbed his cheek against the hand that caressed him, whispering  "I love you.... Don’t leave me..." again and again.

Suddenly he was fully conscious, and he held himself very very still, trying to process what he was feeling.  He was sitting on a low chair, his head resting on Chakotay's stomach, hands curled loosely around the Commander's body, tears dried on his face and uniform. Fingers tangled in his hair, and he could hear soft, even breathing.
The emotion that threatened to engulf him kept his head down, as he raised one of his hands towards the top of the bed. When he felt cool, strong fingers laced with his own, he allowed himself to sit up slowly, and the relief and joy and love blazed from his face in an uncontrolled instant.

"I thought...I thought you'd left me... Tom whispered brokenly, as Chakotay reached up and touched his mouth."

"I'm sorry, I fought so hard to come back...I didn't want to go…" Chakotay's voice was soft but intent, his eyes heavy with exhaustion and emotion.

Tom smiled a small, grim smile.

"You told me I couldn't leave you. Now I'm saying it back. I mean it.  I'm serious. You can't leave me." His grey eyes were pale and glittering with tears.

"It seems that this is more serious than even you imagined my love."

Tom leaned forward to hear Chakotay's tired voice.

"Serious doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about you..." Tom murmured, as he felt Chakotay's mouth on his.

"So why are you grinning?" Chakotay whispered, as he pulled Tom closer.

"It’s a very serious grin."

Chakotay devoured the grin tenderly with his mouth, and neither man noticed the Doctor standing in the shadows of sickbay.

"I assume the Commander is feeling better...." the hologram muttered, more to himself than to anyone else, trying to control the tiny smile that threatened his carefully programmed features, as he turned to the computer terminal to notify the Captain of Chakotay's recovery.

November 1997